The Night I Went To Prison
By Karyn Grant
Several years ago, I found myself on the brink of divorce and thus, a deep depression ensued. I did not know which way to turn, so I turned to the Lord and literally poured my heart out to him, while on my knees. I told him in that prayer, that all I wanted to do, was to “come home and sing to the spirits in spirit prison.” My heart’s lament was, “Oh, that I were an angel and could have the wish of my heart…”
While upon my knees, that brisk day in October of the year 1999, alone on a grassy knoll, I petitioned the Lord to create an escape for me from mortality, I felt myself bathed in the tenderest of divine mercies. “That can be arranged,” spoke an almost audible voice, “but, I need you on this side of the veil. There are many souls who suffer from depression and who are in search of the pure love of Christ. Will you assist me in creating a place of refuge for these women and children?”
My tears were dried immediately, as I knelt there and I nearly laughed out loud. “Who would listen to an LDS woman who has been married as many times as I have been? I have been married almost as many times as the woman at the well!” I was reminded of the story of the woman at the well, in the New Testament and of how the Lord used her story to convert “nearly a whole city”. I was immediately touched that the Lord can use anyone to bless souls, if only they have willing hands and a willing heart.
The years went by. I continued writing music and singing to women every chance I could. I continued producing songs of the Savior’s atoning love. Every opportunity that came my way, I would drop everything and go and sing to women whether it was at a Relief Society Enrichment Night, a woman’s shelter, or a gathering in someone’s home.
The years passed by and new challenges arose in my personal life, making it more difficult for me to leave my home and minister to other women. One reason, was that my teenage son was placed on house arrest. But, I never forgot the Lord’s request that I “assist” Him in creating a place of peace and safety for women who needed to feel the pure love of Christ. I used the songs of my heart to continue conveying the message that the pure love of Christ is for everyone, at half-way houses, to depressed youth, to the University of Utah’s Pyschiatric Unit and Utah State’s Mental Facility. Each chance I could find, I bore my witness through song and the spoken word, that the Savior’s love encompasses all of us—no matter our challenges, addictions, trials or tribulations.
But, in the back of my mind and lingering in my heart, I remembered my petition to the Lord, to go to the spirits in spirit prison and sing to them, that crisp day in October of 2000. Every time that I passed the Point of the Mountain, I wondered about the souls there—and if they might need one such as I, with a song such as mine, to minister to the prisoners there.
Years passed and I kept this wish of my heart to myself, as Alma, who said, “Oh that I were an angel and could have the wish of my heart; that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God and cry repentance unto every people…” I wondered if I was sinning in my wish to go to the prison and “sing” as though with “the trump of God”—and minister to those souls there by reminding them of their divinity, their nobility and of their infinite worth to their Heavenly Father and Divine Mother in Heaven..
One evening, in November of 2006, I received a phone call from another single sister, a dear friend of mine. “Karyn,” she said, “I was just driving by the Point of the Mountain, when I felt the strongest impression whisper, ‘Don’t forget us!’ Karyn, the women at the Point of the Mountain, need you to come and sing to them the songs of the atoning love of the Savior!”
I was amazed because this truly had been the wish of my heart that I had never vocalized to anyone but to my Father in Heaven, nearly seven years before! “Can you find out who we should ask to come and sing to them?” I asked Rayonna hopefully. “I’ll find out who the Relief Society President is and do my homework and then I’ll get back in touch with you.” She said.
Now, during the years that had passed since I sent my prayerful petition to the Lord, I had through several experiences of my own which prepared me for such a visit to the prison. As a single mother, in the LDS culture, I had found myself wondering how to deal with the effects of my son’s stay in detention as well as his reoccurring drug abuse issues. “Who will listen to a woman who has been married as many times as I have; and who does not have the perfect Mormon family?” was often my prayer to the Savior.
But, now, on the evening of February 18th, 2007, Rayonna and I whispered a prayer of gratitude together for the opportunity to go, for a second time, to the prison to visit the sisters there. I prayed that the spirit of God would be poured out in abundance upon the heads of these women, through “the song of my heart” and that each one would feel the spirit testify in an undeniable way, that they are indeed, divine daughters of a Glorious Father in Heaven who knows their names, their hearts, and their divinity and royalty. After closing our prayer, we entered the building.
Bishop Lombardi greeted us warmly and Sister Susan_____________, the Relief Society President and her husband treated us so kindly.
As the evening progressed, I felt of the great privilege and honor it was to be with these sisters. As I gazed into each one of their faces during the course of the evening, I saw tears being shed, hearts being warmed and smiles of empathy and compassion as I shared through song and the spoken word, the experiences I had gone through as a single mother, in order to gain my testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and of his tenderest of mercies.
Each song bore witness of the pure love of Christ and of the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I was embarrassed and apologized when I realized I had forgotten one of the instrumentals and forgotten a sheet of lyrics, which I worried would interrupt the spirit’s gentle flow. But, these women, only smiled at me with compassion in their eyes.
As I sang to them, I recognized many of the sisters, from my first experience visiting them in prison. I realized that I was indeed being given the divine privilege, to once again, have my prayers answered and to visit with that precious group of sisters gathered together there. I spoke to them of the woman at the well and of how the Savior knew of her past and yet, did not condemn her. He offered her wells of living water, promising her that she would never thirst again, if she would partake of the water that only He could give her to partake of. Her perceived her true needs, that she had been thirsting for true love when she had ventured out, seeking to fulfill her needs and then—he blessed her by filling those needs, Himself.
I wondered aloud, as I spoke to them, “Could the woman at the well, have also wondered, as I did the day that I poured out my heart in prayer, “Who will listen to a woman such as I?” Now, as I gazed into the compassionate faces and smiling eyes of these woman, I realized that it was truly I who was being ministered to…by them.
For years, I had been in a prison of sorts, worrying that others might be judging me for the errors in judgment I had made, and for the choices my son had made. Now, as the meeting came to a close, many of the women lined up and came up to greet me with more warmth and compassion than I had ever remembered feeling in all my years of ministering. With tears in their eyes and in mine, we greeted one another one by one, whispered words of love and encouragement were exchanged as we had to speak briefly to one another.
This morning, as I awakened, the words came into my thoughts, “For I was imprisoned and ye visited me..” Suddenly, I realized why the Lord had sent me back to minister to them for second time. The first time, I went to visit them. But, the second time, something beautifully divine happened. Each one of these women, in their own way, visited me. Each one of them shared their expressions of gratitude for my coming to bring to them a message of the pure love of Christ and in doing so, they affirmed that the trials and tribulations of my past, had not been in vain. How could I have ever been filled with such an outpouring of love for each one of them, had I not first longed to feel such tender mercies from the Savior himself?
As Bishop Lombardi walked Rayonna and I out to the car, along with Brother_____, they expressed their love for their callings and that serving time at the prison in the capacity of a bishop or a Relief Society President’s husband, is one of the choicest blessings of their lives.
“Oh, if I were an angel and could cry repentance unto every people,” I would bid all people, to forsake their judgments of those who have lost their way and who have made errors in judgment. The way back, through the darkness into the light, is hard enough, if you must face the journey alone. I know. I have walked a lonely road, as a single mother, trying to maintain my courage to keep up the faith while ministering to my less active children..
I know the Lord sent me to the prison on a divine assignment. To go there and sing to the spirits there and then to return and share with our beautiful LDS community, that some of the dearest, most tender souls are being tutored by the Lord of his tender mercies and of his divine compassion, while there. As I spoke to the women, I said, “Never will I drive past the Point of the Mountain” and feel the same…for me, it will always be called in my heart and mind, “The Turning Point of the Mountain. This can be a sacred time to get to know who you truly are and to come to an even deepening understanding of the Lord’s atonement.”
I can honestly testify that I have never felt the spirit stronger than the night I went to prison and was visited by the angels who ministered to me there.
